future former fatties
Jan 05, 2015 at 09:53 AM

Diary of a Future Former Fatty 12

By Linda Misleh Wagner, Future Former Fatty

Diary of a Future Former Fatty 12

Are You Afraid To Lose Weight

By

Linda Misleh Wagner

Future Former Fatty

Are you afraid to lose weight? Have you thought that you might be afraid to lose weight because you might not be able to handle the way people react to you if you were thin? Are you comfortable with yourself at your present weight? If not, what is holding you back from success?

I have been fat most of my life. I know life as a fatty. I know how people react to me as a fatty. I know what others expect of me and what I expect from others as a fatty. Does this mean that deep down inside I would rather be fat than thin?

As a fatty, people treat us differently than if we were thin. People tend to give us more space, give us shotgun in the front seat of the car, and make sure we get the sturdy chair. In a movie theatre, people tend to not crowd us by sitting right next to us thus giving us more space.

People will even watch where us fatties step so we don’t fall or trip walking down the street. If we go to a restaurant, we always get a table so we don’t have to scoot into a booth. They will even excuse us for using the handicap stall in the restroom. They see our weight as a form of a disability and treat us as disabled.

I can understand why we are afraid of losing weight and becoming thin. How uncomfortable would we be if people stopped treating us as disabled? Heck some people think we are disabled mentally for allowing ourselves to be fat. People would assume we would want to be seated in a booth, making our meal a more intimate affair, since we easily can scoot into a booth. They wouldn’t be so anxious to sit as far away from us in a movie theatre if we were thin because we all would fit into the seats taking up only our space and not part of the space of another seat.

If we were thin, we wouldn’t have to wait for the handicap stall in restrooms. We could easily fit into a regular stall. People might even be frustrated with us for being thin because as skinnies, we would make other skinnies stand in line in the restroom longer waiting for a regular stall to open.

Plus if we lost weight and kept it off, then thin people would focus more on their surroundings instead of watching where we step for they would no longer be concerned for us. We can actually see our feet and what is ahead of us.

I know I have been pretty sarcastic thus far, but truthfully, are we afraid to lose weight? Are we afraid of success from losing weight? Are we afraid people’s expectations of us would change, maybe change in a way we may feel uncomfortable? Are we simply too lazy or too comfortable as we are to make changes in our size for the better?

I think each of us needs to take a bit of time and decide what holds us back from success. Is our weight problem the only area of our life we fail to manage, or are there other areas in our lives that are out of control? Maybe, for some people, they are happy enough with the status quo. These people know they should lose weight and exercise, but deep down inside, these people accept easily that they are fat. They don’t worry about losing weight. If they have health problems, they are okay to take a few pills to control their diabetes, keep their blood pressure stable, and lower their cholesterol. That is up to them.

For me, I am not comfortable at my current weight. I don’t care about becoming super skinny. I am too old and too wise to think if I lost weight, I could look the same as I did when I was eighteen. No, for me, I would be happy to lose enough weight that I would be considered healthy and reasonable weight wise. Even if I was still considered fat by some standards, I just want to lose enough weight that I can do anything, fit into anything, and live a healthy life that pleases me.

Bottom line, the only thing holding me back is I. I need to commit to losing weight, decide on a program I can live with and handle, and then stick to it for the long haul. I am not afraid of success. I am afraid of procrastination, and I am afraid of my own sense of self-acceptance. In other words, I am afraid I will give up and give in and accept my size as is even though I know I shouldn’t. This is the fear I fear most. No way. I cannot and will not live a fatty life the rest of my life. I am not afraid of success. I am afraid of failure.

In fearing failure I make myself a failure. The old adage goes like this, “There is nothing to fear but fear itself”. This is true. Does anyone out there really care whether or not we lose weight? Sure. Our families worry about us, and a few close friends. With that said, our weight, our size is not dependent on how they feel about us. We are who we are because our feelings about life is dependent on how we feel about ourselves.

Don’t be afraid to lose weight. Don’t be afraid of the changes to your life a slimmer healthier body will bring about. We know how to be fat. We have to learn to be thin. We have to learn how to maintain thin, how to feel comfortable in our own skin as a thin person, and we have to learn and accept the world around us, the people we come in contact with will change. Attitudes, feelings, respect for us will change. Most importantly how we feel about us will change. It will change for the better.

Reach out to the universe. Grab my hand. Let’s hold on tight to one another and help each other. We need not be afraid.

Until we meet again, this is Linda Misleh Wagner, Future Former Fatty.

Posted in Diaries.