future former fatties
Apr 15, 2015 at 04:57 PM

Diary of a Future Former Fatty 14

By Linda Misleh Wagner

Tomorrow is Easter, and I shall rejoice. I have been praying for a miracle to take place within my family. It has partly come through, and I am so happy and so grateful.

Yet, I have been struggling with my diet since I received this good news. I haven’t gained weight back, but I have struggled to maintain what I have lost, and I cannot seem to get the focus back to keep losing weight. I know I will, but right now, it is a struggle.

Of course, I tried to analyze why I have been struggling. Is it boredom with my diet plan? Not really. Is it stress in my life? Not really, things have been going very well. Then what is it?

I realized I am nervous about a trip I am to take in the near future. I will be returning to a place I have not been back to in many years. I will be seeing people I cherish but have been distant from me for quite some time.

I am afraid of the drama I left behind four years ago to re-emerge. Maybe not in the same way, but still, in a way that may cause me pain and heartache. I had been so humiliated. The pain from that time period was the catalyst for me in regaining some of the weight I lost after bariatric surgery.

As far as I am concerned, I only want to go and enjoy those I love, their families, and I want to move forward and put the past behind. With that said, I am inwardly dreading the trip at the same time anxious to go and see everyone.

3 These concerns, (which I thought I was in control of my emotions regarding those concerns), have put me into a gentle spiral, subtle yet still confusing and mesmerizing at the same time. A part of me is so beyond excited, and yet I still have trepidation.

My goal is to just go and have a great time, spoiling those I love, and make the most of my time with them. I have come a long way to learn to control my emotional eating. I am not about to blow it now.

I know I can do it. We all can. We just have to realize that there are some situations we cannot control. All we can do is hold our own, keep the peace, and be respectful and kind. I will let you know how it goes.

As for struggling, well, there shall be no more struggling. I know what kind of person I am, and what I want out of my life, and whom I want in my life. I am blessed and live a blessed life. That is all the matters. Everything else will work itself out. It always does. Wish me luck as I wish you.

Until we meet again, Diary, this is Linda Misleh Wagner, Future Former Fatty. 

Posted in Diaries.

Jul 17, 2015 Arrow1 Down Reply

I love this story and the truth and vulnerability shared. thank you for continuing to move forward on behalf of all of us.